Winter Olympics XX (Part 9)

So, I was thinking yesterday about the men's team pursuit in long-track speed skating, (you know, the event that Shani Davis was too selfish to skate in), and I'm thinking, here's a 'sport' where each 'team' just sends out their three 'best' skaters and whoever has the slowest guy loses. Now, here's my question: Why send out the first two guys? I mean, each team pretty much already knows who's number 1, 2, and 3 anyway, so why send 1 & 2 at all? Why don't they just get together, say, "Hey our slowest guy is faster than your slowest guy," then just put the slow guys on the ice and let them duke it out head-to-head? It could be like slug racing, olympic style! Seriously, has any winter olympic sport ever celebrated mediocrity more directly? Yes, yes, I know, relays all have weak legs, but team pursuit isn't a relay, its everyone on the ice at the same time. So, again, why bother with 1 & 2? Why not just slide your weak link out there and be done? Of course, then it wouldn't be a 'team' sport, but it isn't anyway, as Shani has so clearly pointed out. Really, team pursuit is about whose dog has the least fleas, so why put the good guys on the ice in the first place? If you want a team sport, do a relay. It works for everyone else.

Now that my daily rant is over, and I do apologize to my loyal reader (I can't imagine there's more than one) for ranting and raving so much about the ugliness of the American team, but they do deserve it, I want to take a moment to point out that this has been our most successful games not on American soil, and may very well end up as our most successful winter games ever. In spite of their blundering stupidity, thundering boorishness, blatant selfishness and cocky attitudes, this 'team' is getting good results. A disappointing bronze in women's hocky is still medal. Silver in ice dancing, (our first medal there in 30 years!) is still a medal, even if one must stretch the definition of 'sport' to recognize it. Seven golds is our best haul ever and that number will probably go up. So, although they may not represent the best of American values, they are certainly world-class athletes. And for that, we should be proud.

Finally, ice dancing. What a drama! First there's the Italian tiff: watching their number one team (Barbara Fusar-Poli and Maurizio Margaglio) literally give each other the cold shoulder even as they skated onto the ice was awesome. You didn't know if she was going to bite his leg, or if he was going to drop her from a hold or what, but the suspense was wonderful. And to see them make up at the end was equally good. They skated well, finished in who-cares place, but made up at the end of their program. After they fell in the second portion of the even they went into a 24-hour standoff where they wouldn't even acknowledge one another's presence backstage, but they kissed and cried when the music faded out. How touching. Truly olympic.

Then there was the Ukrainian team that skated to Bolero. Sacrilege. Bolero ought to be forbidden, retired, from olympic competition. It belongs forever to Torvill and Dean.