Just returned from our 'Spring Retreat.' Had about 30 students come and listen to John Kelsey from the University of Oklahoma BSU talk about discipleship, leadership and missions. We also played the first ever SPEW Tournament. SPEW (Sumo Pantyhose Egg Wrestling) is a sport I invented myself in a desperate attempt to think of something crazy fun for the students to do this weekend. Although it bears many similarities to previous incarnations of pantyhose sumo action, I believe it is original to the Missouri Southern BSU. By all reports our effort was a monumental success.The Rules of SPEW:
1. Each combatant must 'pad up' on both back and front, thus making it difficult to break an egg on the torso and creating a true SPEW challenge.
2. Each combatant will place a whole, uncracked and unboiled, egg in the toe of a thigh-high pantyhose.
3. Each combatant will 'armor up' by placing the pantyhose over the whole of their head.
4. The combatants square off in an arena defined by mutual agreement. (Having definite borders, a la sumo, forces combatants to engage in meaningful combat.)
5. The referee will ask both combatants if the are ready to SPEW, and begins the match.
6. During the match the use of the hand to commence the swinging of the egg is acceptable, but use of the arms is otherwise prohibited. Should a combatant use their hands or arms to guide their egg into their opponent, such a move will be ruled a foul and the match will be halted and begun anew.
7. The victor is determined when the first egg breaks. If it is broken on the opponent, this is victory. If it is broken in any other way, (i.e., it cracks on the floor, or the referee, or their own body, et cet.) the combatant is disqualified and the opponent is the victor.
8. Although sparring is encouraged, no official SPEW match shall take place apart from the present of a third party referee.
9. SPEW recognizes no inherent advantage in either sex, therefore there shall be no provision made for male-only or female-only tournaments. Although such tournaments may occur, coed SPEW is acceptable and encouraged.
As for our first tournament, Clayton 'Crusher' Carnahan defeated Jordan Wendland for the championship. There were 16 entries, the first round was a best-of-3 match, and the final was over in seconds when Clayton abolutely CRUSHED his egg on the side of Jordan's head. It may have been the hardest hit of the night. Ironically, Clayton and Jordan are roommates in the MoSo dorms. So, pull on your pantyhose and fight like a man!!!
